When To Be Pastoral

I find it rather strange the times when people want you to be their Pastor:
1. When talking about where you go to church (even if you only go 3 times a year),
2. If you make them feel good with a warm-fuzzy message and good worship music,
3. When people want a "traditional" wedding and need a Pastor (even if the Pastor is not really your Pastor).
4. When people need to pull the "God" card in a conversation,
5. When people need someone else straightened up, (ie., kids, spouse, etc.),
6. When people need a "miracle" or emergency prayer,
7. When someone needs you to do their funeral.

Here is when people do not want you to be their Pastor:
1. When they need to be held accountable (maybe smoking pot or drinking with your kid or the way your kid (or for that matter, mom and dad) isn't exactly dressing appropriate). Seriously, do we need so much cleavage at the Church of all places? Heaven forbid a Pastor should be HONEST! And let's not get caught up in the cultural lie, "The Bible says we shouldn't judge anyone." REALLY? The Bible clearly talks about not judging UNBELIEVERS but we as believers are to hold each other accountable and bear each others burdens. And don't throw out the "holier than thou" cliche either. If it upsets you that I am going through a process of sanctification, asking you AS A BELIEVER to do the same (but you refuse), then yes, maybe I am holier than thou. Deal with it. Trust me, I am not casting stones, but I am making a whip. Seems like I have some pretty good company in that arena. Notice the audience - sinner who knew she needed help (no stone throwing needed) as opposed to people who claimed to know God intimately but where hypocrites FOR NOT BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE (enter the mad man with a whip).
2. When the Church needs funding. Do people think God just magically drops money out of the sky to pay the utilities, maintenance, logistics, staff salaries? Lest you think I am living in opulence, I live in a $60,000.00 town home, drive a 2000 Ford Explorer that is literally falling apart, paying for my own continuing education, have no retirement benefits, pay some of my medical AND raising a child. For heaven's sake people, no wonder Pastors have to beg for funding - we are literally close to being beggars ourselves! At my age, most people make almost 3 times what I make. Seriously, what do you think we do with the money? Frankly, the people who typically give the least are the ones who complain the most. See a correlation?
3. When the Pastor is not perfect, but is expected to be.

I am certain there are other times people don't want a Pastor to be their Pastor, but one and two listed above are pretty much the "biggies".

Lies I Tell My Kids

There was an interesting segment on The Early Show this morning (Saturday, December 3, 2011) highlighting a mom who blogs about how she makes it through the day in dealing with her 4-year old daughter. She talked about the "mis-truths" she tells her daughter in order to get the kind of behaviors she needs from her daughter. This jogged my memory about the lies we tell kids in our culture. Two in particular - Thanksgiving mythology and Christmas.

As you know, I am adopting a now 12-year old. Aaron is at the age where he was questioning the whole Santa Claus mythology. Before you stop reading thinking I am one of those "Anti-Santa Claus" people - I am not. In fact, I am very "pro-Santa", but in a specific way. I think we should take the "false mythologies" of the day and teach the truth behind them. By the way, Aaron had no idea that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus - not surprising in our culture. I wonder how many other children (and adults) have no idea about the true meaning of Christmas. Adult mythology is about being together with friends and family.

Anyway, I digress. When it comes to Santa, the contemporary Santa mythology finds is foundation in the true Saint Nicholas of Asia Minor who was known for his compassion and charity. ( http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/news/2004/nick.html ) Saint Nicholas' actions were driven by his faith in Jesus Christ and he became known as the patron Saint of children. Are yous starting to see the connections?

Why is this so important? Well, if you "lie" about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Thanksgiving rather then finding the truth about these origins, your child may get to an age where he or she asks, "So if my parents lied about Santa, is what they told me about Jesus true too?"

What I am encouraging parents and caregivers to do is to find out the truth behind the legend. Once the truth is found out, compare to what the current mythology is. Reclaim the truth of the legend and share that with your child explaining how the legend came to be. If a child asks, "Does Santa really come down the chimney," don't be afraid to answer truthfully. (Kids are asking because they realize that not every home has a chimney.) Remind kids that according to legend of Saint Nicholas, some of the gifts he would deliver to families would be by dropping those gifts down the chimney. Once again, Saint Nicholas was driven in these acts of compassion by his love for Christ - something our culture has forgotten.

So, I believe there is a way to keep the spirit of Santa Claus as celebrated by our culture, have great memories for your children and use these opportunities to point your children to Christ. After all, isn't that what we are supposed to do as parents - tell the truth and point them to Jesus, the ultimate truth?

Merry Christmas!

Fringe Kids

Sorry it has been a while since I have written, trying to care for an adoptive child and working on a Doctoral paper will do that. I have to admit, there is much perplexing about life right now - much of which I will not bore you with. I do have to say that I want to "share" a burden, or an epiphony, if you will.

Early in my ministry years, I was with a para-church ministry that really went after the "fringe" kids - or at least that is what they claimed. It is not that I doubt that, but I think the strategy was to use the "popular kids", you know, the jocks, cheerleaders, Mr. & Mrs. Homecoming - you get the picture - to reach the "fringe kids". I have been thinking on this subject of fringe kids now for quite some time now and I have come to a few conclusions:

1. The kids who used to be the "fringe kids" are now the normal kids and the "normal kids" are now becoming the fringe kids. Here is what I mean. I hate to put this so bluntly, but our culture is so screwed up that it seems there are not more hurting kids in our culture than health kids. The healthy kids, since there are fewer of them, are now becoming the fringe kids and the hurting kids are becoming the norm.

2. Our culture continues to abandon kids. Kids are daily sacrificed on the altar of adult agendas. Schools teach to tests, not educate the child. While children are being taught to tests and not being taught how to think and process critically, they are also expected to have hihg academic performance. Sports become about winning at all costs or pursuing a coveted scholarship. Parents, coaches and officials fight on the fields in front of these kids. Popular media has become a pusher of goods in order to make a buck. Pharmaceutical companies are making BILLIONS on pushing drugs on our kids! Youth Ministries are pressured to "grow in numbers" in order to be considered "successful". (If not, there is obviously a failure on the part of the Youth Pastor.) Peers become survival tribes where more time is spent in your tribe then with your parents. Musicians push there message and music in the pursuit of bling.

3. Due to everything in #2, kids are developing multiple identities simply to cope. They present to so many different people who they think those other people want them to be. This is yet another expectation they have to keep up - and the pressure mounts.

4. We have become a narcissistic culture where the good name of a sporting institution is more important then reporting a known child sex-offender. (Did you not know that sports have become one of the many gods in our culture?) Church services better be over quick and the church better not schedule an opportunity to feed the poor if there is an "important football" game coming on - and after all, aren't they all important?

5. Kids are growing up without extended family, HEALTHY role-models and age-segregated churches. Kids are left to "figure out life" on their own. From the time they are two and in the stroller or car seat, they are "entertained" with portable DVD players in the car or whenever mom and dad "can't handle" dealing with their child right now.

These are but a few of the things going on that are causing the "fringe kids" to become the norm. God help us wake up before it is too late. The measure of how we are treating our kids now will the the measure of how they treat us - and then some - when we are old and need to rely on them to care for us. How's that gonna work out for us?

What Next?

It seems like we are always asking this question. Hope is lost when we don't have the slightest idea of what is coming up next. Think about the things that keep you going; dinner with a friend, the hope of true love, a purpose in what you do at work, a ministry opportunity on the side, planning for the future. The human spirit is a fickle thing. While we are called to live in and enjoy the present, this is difficult to do without a clear view of the future.

Maybe this is what is going on in America today - in 2011. There seems to be little idea of what is going to happen in the future and so it makes it difficult to live in the present. Whether it is on a micro-scale (your and my individual lives) on or a macro-scale (the nation/world we live in), facing an uncertain future makes living in the present less enjoyable.

When we "lose the plot", we have no idea of where to go to next. Our path becomes blocked, it is less evident, it seems aloof, uncertain, unclear, undecided and so we are stuck. We don't know whether to move to the right or to the left, forward or backward and so we just stay where we are. We dream about what could have been, what should have been and trading lives with someone, and sometimes, something else. Have you ever looked at a bird and thought, "I sure wish I were that bird! No worries, no fears, no thought of the future or the past. Just a bird that can fly about taking life one moment at a time."

Psalm 16:11 says, "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Of course, there is Jeremiah 29:11 - 12 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.'"

Notice how hope and a future are tied together in Jeremiah 29! It is a difficult thing to do to "wait upon the Lord" and to look to the future at the same time! How can we be content in the moment and yet look to the future for "better" things - whatever those better things are?

Personally, and vulnerably, I look at my life and I thought it would be so much more! After all, there were visions of grandeur in ministry and it seems that I was always on the cusp of greatness only to fall short. Whether my blindness or the blindness of others that have kept me short of doing great things, I find myself hollering out like the Bartimaeus hollering out, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"

Being blind to our future keeps us from enjoying our present and enjoying those who are in the present moment with us. "Lord, help us receive our sight!"

An Honest Response... At Least For Now!

Someone just recently asked me about adopting a teenager out of the foster care system. Here was my honest response... at least for now:

"Oh, now is so not the time to ask me without getting an emotional response! Aaron is not even a teen yet and I am having soooo many problems with him to where I may need to put him in an EBD class and boot camp! I am really torn on my answer. While I know there are MANY teens that need a good home and need to be "out of the system" because few people will adopt older kids or teens, I struggle with what that looks like for each family! So much will depend on your family dynamics, (do you have older children, younger children, how strong is your marriage, etc.) and the child's dynamics (their history, why they are in foster care, his or her temperament, etc.). I will tell you this: I have discovered that when a child comes out of foster care, the caseworkers only usually know a little of what has really gone on in that child's life. There is usually years of abuse or neglect that has gone on that happened before the child finally came into care. This means there are some deep emotional scars that are in these kids' lives. I am still way to early into struggles with Aaron to let you know how I would feel about it for you all. I simply don't know enough. While it seems like the right and noble thing to do, that may not be enough to carry you through. Feel free to chat more with me about this but know that you should prepare yourself for THE WORSE possible situations!"

Here is what I discovered: most of these kids have gone through abuse, neglect or what have you to a far more degree than what the Social Workers let you know. This is not because the Social Worker is trying to hide anything from you, sometimes they don't know the extend of the abuse that went on before the child came into care. As you get to know the child and build a rapport and trust, the child will start telling you things that the Social Worker had no idea about. Most of the abuse and damage is far more reaching than most would suspect.

As you can imagine, these years of damage leave many deep scars in tact. These scars are difficult to overcome! The hardest part is how do you teach a child to become an Over-comer rather than a Victim? How do you discipline a child that has been abused. Reason and logic have rarely been a part of their existence. Spanking will rekindle images of abuse. You feel trapped. You feel torn. You feel angry, anxious, betrayed, helpless, frustrated - most of all, you really want to meet up with the kid parents/caregivers and give them a taste of what they dished out on the child!

Of course, as they say, "The honeymoon period is over!" Even though you are providing a better atmosphere and place for the child, don't expect him to either notice or appreciate it! When you are disciplining the child, he will tell you that he wants to go back to where he came from. (Interestingly enough, even thought the the Egyptians were enslaving and killing the people of Israel, they still wanted to go back into bondage!) Doesn't make sense, does it? The people of Israel were afraid of the unknown. So are children coming out of foster care - they too are afraid of the unknown! They would rather go back to the abuse then have to deal with the unknown. For them, the world is a very unsafe, uncaring and unloving place. This is the result of sin in our world. How could anyone deny it?

In the meantime, I will keep praying and hoping for the day when Aaron gets healthy and our home becomes a more joyful place! Until then...

Physician, Heal Thyself

Satan plays mind games and usually at the most strategic times. For instance, several months ago we had it planned out that I would give the message in our "What Kids Know About Parenting" series entitled, "I Need Correction". The message was in line with the need for Discipline. That sword cuts two ways; parents need to be disciplined in order to discipline their children and children need to be disciplined. They feel safe within set boundaries EVEN THOUGH they are going to test those boundaries. Boundaries tell them that they are loved and that they are cared about and cared for.

Of course, Satan knew about this message series and he knew what I was going to be preaching on. This week has been a difficult week of dealing with a stubborn child who has gotten in trouble at school - only 6 days after school started. Satan got in my head. "What can you say about discipline and being a good parent? Your kid is already a discipline problem." You see what he does? He puts doubt in your mind in order to keep you from speaking the truth! Satan says, "Did God really say...?" And the doubt begins.

A little disclaimer here: I can at least say I have not had the benefit of having Aaron from the beginning as an infant. He has not had the stability of growing up in one regular home where he knows what to expect. This is what I have had to tell myself as Satan put doubt in my mind about my ability to parent. Aaron has not had the opportunity to grow up in a home that operated under the principles I would be teaching on. The principles are still true and the sooner a home functions under them, the more likely the child will learn the healthy and wise ways of functioning.

Here are the principles that I taught on:

1. Avoid making rash statements. Jephthah made the mistake in Judges 11 of making a rash statement. It cost his daughter her life and an insurmountable amount of pain and grief. Don't make rash statements in the heat of the battle with your spouse or your kids. Think about what you need to say and when you need to say it. Trust me, your kids know when you are upset or they have disappointed you. Your facial expressions and body language already tell them everything they need to know. Harsh words might only do more damage. Do you want your kids flying off the handle when they get angry? Which brings me to the next point:

2. What parents do in moderation, kids will do in excess. Take Adam and Eve. Their rebellion cost them paradise! It was jealousy and desire that caused them to eat the fruit of disobedience - they wanted to be like God. Their jealousy (even if it was in moderation) was taken to excess when Cain was jealous of Abel. It was this jealousy that lead to the first murder.

3. Make sure the punishment fits the crime! While it would seem harsh for God to throw Adam and Eve out of Paradise, it was in their best interest for Him to do so. After their disobedience, God knew that Adam and Eve had the opportunity to eat of the tree of life, they would remain in their broken and sinful state, separated from God, for all eternity.

4. Don't be a house divided! From Jacob and Esau to to Joseph being a father's favorite, households that are divided rarely have positive outcomes for their children. Rebekah and Isaac were divided over the future of their children. Being the eldest child, Esau should have gotten the blessing but Rebekah favored Jacob and tricked her own husband into giving the blessing to Jacob - the second born. This caused a major rift in the life of the children! Joseph knew that he was favored and his brothers had a hard time overcoming this!

5. Think about consequences before you give them out! If you give a consequence in the heat of the moment, you may regret it! Have you ever said something "crazy" like, "You are going to be grounded for the next 30 years!" While this is an exaggeration, your child knows just like you that you will not be able to ground him or her for the next 30 years. It is an empty threat... and they know it. They will take advantage of this. If you back off the consequence, they will not take you seriously the next time. If you stick with the ridiculous consequence, they you will exacerbate your child. I give Aaron some a choice and then hold him to it. For instance, if I say, "You have to take out the trash. You can take it out now or you have until 7:00 PM. I will give you one reminder only and if you do not take out the trash, you will not get your allowance for it and you will have a consequence." This gives you time to think about a logical consequence that both you and your child can live with.

So, as you can see, while Satan might get into my head, what I have to teach is still sound. While Aaron has not had this foundation before, he can have it now. I have to remind myself of the long-term goal and results of Aaron becoming a healthy person. If I can build a new foundation and be consistent with discipline, we both just might have a shot of keeping our sanity!

Praying for the best!

Some Serious Considerations

A friend of mine (thanks LJ!) sent a wonderful blog about "Post Adoption Depression". Let me first say, no, I am not depressed. Wondering if I can be a good father, yes! Mainly it is because the boy is still learning to trust and learning the "rules of the house". I feel like I am constantly having to stay a couple of steps ahead of him. I am torn as to whether I should or should not have gotten the puppy for Aaron and let him adopt the puppy. In a way, I think I did the right thing as a dog gives unconditional love and is great "therapy" for any kid.

I do understand why parents are so thankful for when kids get back into school. It has little to do with not wanting their kids around, but more about getting some routine back into life and having more time to get things done. On a bit of a humorous note, I got to thinking the following thoughts:

I used to have some money, now it goes to my son and a dog.

I used to have free time, now I have no idea when I will have "free time". (Thanks for other families though with whom Aaron has been able to get together with.)

I used to get rest, now I have fallen asleep standing up in the shower.

I used to have a clean house, now I could clean everyday and things are still going to get messy.

I used to do laundry once a week, now it is 3 - 4 times a week! (Thank goodness he is not a girl! I'd hate to see how much laundry I would do then.)

I used to be able to make decisions, now I wrestle with nearly every thought! (Seriously, I stood in the shower the other day and was so tired, I didn't know which leg to wash first!)

I STILL believe though that I have made the right decisions!

Peace!

I've Been Moonlighting

I have a confession to make: I've been moonlighting - or at least it feels that way! What have I been moonlighting as? Well, as hard as it may seem to believe, an Anti-Terrorist Negotiator! What is the most difficult is that I am not only the Negotiator, but I am the Hostage as well! This is what happens when you have an 11-year old boy in the house. Just like a hostage situation happens, a crisis occurs - say like when you have told the child not to do something for the 100th time because it is not safe - but the child continues to do so. The Terrorist has caused a potential crisis that demands the skill of a trained Negotiator. The Negotiators job is to keep the lines of communication open, meet reasonable demands and, most importantly, ultimately secure the release of the hostages. If you have any part of dealing with children, you know just how vital the negotiation stages can be.

First and foremost, you have to build trust! Seriously? How easy is it going to be to build trust with a Terrorist? Regardless, it has to be done. The best way to build trust is to see beyond the infraction and see the heart of the child - assuming he or she has a heart. (Just kidding - every kid has a heart but some are harder to get to than others.) This brings me to the second skill set of a Negotiator - patience. You can't just mete out justice in a hurry. If you do this, you will lose the position of Negotiator and retain primary position of Hostage for the consequences you give out will only serve to imprison you. You have to suffer the outcomes of ill-conceived consequences. They may punish you more than your child. As a Negotiator, you are always trying to stay several steps ahead of your child. "How will he respond if I...," "What if I try this consequence and it doesn't work," or "Will either one of us require major Psychiatric help if I..."? All these questions go through your mind at the same time! It can be very overwhelming, but as a Negotiator, you cannot allow this to happen; you need clarity of mind! So, in your spare time (that's a laugh), you break out the various manuals on chess to hone your cognitive skills and master the concepts of thinking several complicated moves in advance!

As Negotiator, you have to keep a cool head because if you don't, you may lose the life of the Hostage. (If you didn't catch it, you are the Hostage!) It is like one of those movies though where the Negotiator is smooth and in control at all times. Of all the people in the room, Tactical Unit, Bank or child's room, the Negotiator is the only one who never breaks a sweat. You still have to keep the Terrorist on his toes though by having a little sporadic twitch in your eye. This way, he cannot tell if you are about to snap or not. This keeps him thinking about just how far he really wants his demands to go. Will the risk be worth it in his mind?

Let's say you successfully negotiated a consequence that fits the crime. Let's say the crime was doing some dangerous deeds with some peers - like playing with fire and you catch the little Terrorists in the act. Natural consequences: 3 days of no hanging out with friends, an undetermined period of time of not hanging out with THOSE friends and two nights to bed early. You are feeling pretty good about your negotiating savvy! The Terrorist (I mean child of course) understands the consequences and is compliant - or so you think. You believe that you have just won a major battle on the fight to end Terrorism. If you think so, you are living in "La-La Land" and have no idea of what is coming next. So the "early to bed" time comes when the Terrorist has made an attempted escape from Gitmo cunningly coming out in order to "help you walk the dog" - something he has had little interest in before and somehow has conceived that a dog leash can be operated by two. Upon reminding the Terrorist of the crimes for which he was convicted and the sentence that was carried out, the pleas for mercy begin. You stick by your guns and threaten that the sentence will not be commuted and if compliance does not occur within the next 3 - 5 seconds, the sentence will be expanded upon.

You would not expect Terrorists to grumble but they do - only it is really not grumbling; it is more like rumblings of struggles to come in the future for while you think you have won yet another battle in the war on terrorism, a Terrorist never forgets! A Terrorist has long-range plans and strategies and all we can do is wait for the next bomb to go off.

Overall, I am not sure how good of a Negotiator I make. There are two things that are certain; 1 - I find the role as Hostage as disturbing as it sounds and, 2 - you truly cannot negotiate with terrorists. So, what's a chap to do? That may be an answer for another time. For now though, I know the only thing I can do is put on a flak jacket (a thick skin) and stay in the battle because the US policy is correct - "We don't negotiate with Terrorists!"

Yes, I am a little crazy...

Only time will tell how crazy I am or am not. I have always believed and been told that dogs are good therapy. I believe that is true. Some people would think, "Why would you get a dog when you just adopted a child?" Well, if the dog helps Aaron settle in, feel empowered, have another living thing to care for and grow up together, I think it could be a "win-win".

Aaron is excited about "Jackson" - the dog we are rescuing. We are adopting Jackson from the Walton County Animal Shelter. Can you see the beauty of the situation? Now if I can just get Aaron to sleep. On another note, here is what was "revealed" today: for the first time EVER, Aaron has the chance to develop some long-term friendships with other kids his age. He has never had the chance to have a friend spend the night or spend the night with a friend. Aaron, for the first time, feels like he has the chance to have a "normal" childhood. Wow! Think of all the things we took for granted growing up as children: friendships, spend the nights, parties, riding a bike you own, living in a neighborhood where your friends are right across the street, etc.

Can't wait to tell you what might happen next!

It Will All Be Worth It!

I have to be careful not to throw the little guy under the bus! While I want to share many of the things that are going on in our lives, I don't want him to be embarrassed. It has been a while since I have been able to write. Life has been a huge whirlwind! If you have seen the recent pictures of the tornadoes that have ripped through the Mid-west, that is what my life has been like recently!

We finished a big night production called United, where the students lead everything. It only took some coaching on my part and some mentoring from other adult leaders. Then we went right into the Jamaica phase AND Atlanta Fest at a place called Stone Mountain. Fortunately, I have some great Youth Adult volunteers that pulled off Jamaica spectacularly while our Mission Team and I were in Jamaica! This is all on top of our Tuesday Night Bible Study and coming back on the morning of the 18th (5:30 AM) and preaching two services on the 19th!

I could say SO much about Jamaica, but I want to catch everyone up on the adoption process! First, I have to say I have the MOST amazing and supportive Church in the UNIVERSE! Not only have them been gracious and accepting of Aaron, but they have been preparing his room (Army decor - a man after my own heart, hoorah!), but they are also throwing him a "Welcome To Loganville" Party to REALLY make him feel welcome. They have also been very supportive of him on the Mission Trip and made him feel just as much a part of the team as anyone else.

I've got to set this one up a little bit: Our first day in Jamaica, we actually went to the beach in Montego Bay. (Suffering for Jesus, right?) It is just the way our schedule worked out. Usually, beach day is at the end of the week, but of course, nothing goes as "normal" for The Orchard! At the beach I discovered that, while Aaron thought he could swim, he could swim about as good as putting a pair of flippers on a rock! The flippers won't help. So, I spent time as his "water taxi" carting him around with a snorkel on each of us so that he could see all the colorful fish at the various reefs. (This after he drank about a 1/2 gallon of sea-water and regurgitated 1/4 of it back up! Yummm, chum for the fish!) After a half day of doing this and swimming "with him", he finally got the hang of "relaxing" in the water and when he got tired, turning on his back to float. (A great achievement! In a previous life many years ago, I have actually been a Life Guard, Life Guard Instructor, Water Safety Instructor, and Swim Instructor - who knew that would come in handy at my age!) Anyhoo - Aaron really got the hang of it - especially after we spent more time in the pool. (He preferred the taste of the fresh water over the taste of the saltwater.) SPOILER: this next point is important: Needless to say, Aaron took to swimming like a fish takes to, well, water! (Awesome - another "consequence" to hold over his head if he misbehaves! Can you see where this is going?)

Apparently, OSHA has been put out of business in Jamaica! Every building seemed to be comprised of stairs that had no barrier or hand rails or what have you - nor did many of the roofs. Many a curious teen had taken a stroll up to the very top of the hotel roof to get a gander of the incredible Ocean view! It was truly amazing and I was only mad at myself for not thinking of doing this until AFTER these folks got caught and there was a general announcement about staying off the roof. (At least they could plead ignorance - I had no such luxury; well, at least for this situation!)

After leaving Aaron in the capable hands of some leaders who specifically told him, "Don't go on the roof," which he apparently took as a, "Feel free to wander around on the roof" invitation, I had to leave to a different work site. Needless to say, I was none to happy when I heard of what had happened! As a natural consequence after investigating the crime, I told Aaron that he would not be allowed to go in the pool that evening. You would have thought I told him that we were about to rip his toenails off one by one and dip his feet in alcohol! He was ready to fight! He barreled out his chest, clinched his fists and declared, "I'm going to the airport!" How he was going to get there and what he would do when and if he got there was not part of his cognitive planning yet as he stormed out of the hotel toward the gate. I hollered after him, "Look buddy, if you go outside of those gates, you will also be grounded from swimming tomorrow as well. This was enough to give him pause... but only for a second or two. He really must have thought he would be able to board an International flight without any adult supervision for he went out of the gate and promptly turned to the right! The problem is that the airport... was to the left! I had to tell him, "Hey buddy, I hate to tell you the airport is back THAT way," I said pointing over my shoulder! (You would think he would have noticed this as he took his stroll on the roof and the airport is very prominent from that position.) He once again bowed up his chest and tightened his fists. I repeated my first offer but I think the reality of taking down a 220 lb., 6'3" black belt started to seem a little less than a good idea.

Feeling like he was trapped, Aaron mentally and physically jostled looking for a way to get around me in order to get to the plane that would happily take him back to the Fatherland. As we inched closer to each other, like two cowboys at a high-noon show down, I was finally able to gain the upper hand - his upper hand that is. I grabbed his right arm and wrapped around him like a snake wraps around a rat in order to keep him from running (which he has been known to do).

He tried to fight and wrestle his way out of my grip, I kid you not, for 15 minutes or so! After multiple attempts to get free, I told him, "I guess that is one of the bad sides of having a dad that is fairly strong, huh?" I also assured him, "You can keep doing this as long as you think you can last." I had to pull him a little to the side of the hotel and by some bushes so he would not be continually embarrassing himself in front of the locals. After 15 to 20 minutes of this, his entire body went limp as if he "gave up the ghost"! I asked him, "Are you finished now?" He responded with a weak, "Yes!"

Okay, tissue alert. I get teary-eyed thinking about it again. I relaxed my grip and went into more of a hug and I told him, "Buddy, I just want you to know that no matter what, I am never giving up on you and I will never let you go!" At this point, I saw a tear roll down his face. I continued as I kissed him on top of his head, "I care about you and want the best for you and that is why I am not giving up on you! Can I let go now?" "Yes," his response came back and from there he followed me back into the hotel. As we climbed the steps back toward our room, I stopped him and turned him around so he was eye level with me.

"You know," I said, "it is okay to cry! Why do you think I am getting all teary-eyed right now?" He shrugged his shoulders but correctly stated, "Because you love me?" BINGO! "Yes, because I love you and I don't want to see anything bad happen to you! How do you think I would feel if your caseworkers or my caseworker said, 'Well, Rich couldn't handle Aaron in Jamaica' and the felt like we shouldn't be together?" He replied, "You would feel pretty bad." "You're right," I said, "and I don't know about you, but I don't want to start this whole process over again, do you?" His reply came quietly but confidently, "No!" "You know I love you, right buddy?" He threw his arms around my neck, said, "Yes," and hugged me while still crying.

This parenting thing is going to make me an emotional wreck but hey, it will all be worth it!

The Cultural Take Down

Okay, I am not a big Justin Bieber fan (and it would seem really odd if I was), BUT, I have got to say how disappointed in our continued direction of culture. What I mean by that is this: Our culture has become notorious for setting people up to become an "idol" and then tearing them down. Everyone from kids on facebook to George Lopez (tonight on TV), we seem to be enamored with setting people up for fortune and fame and then once they get it, our jealousy kicks in and it seems we can't wait for them to fail. Lindsey Lohan, Miley Cyrus, the list goes on and on. (Has anyone noticed how thin Bieber looked anyway? From kids to comedians, they use public forums to take cracks at Beibers sexuality insinuating that he is gay.

Any Christian should have a problem with this as it goes against the very central core belief that we are created in the image of God (Imago Dei). Whether it is Cyrus, Bieber or anyone in between, Christian hearts should break whenever ANYONE is the brunt of a public joke! I realize that what I am saying will not be popular - especially in "popular youth" culture - but my responsibility as a theologian is not to be popular - it is to speak the truth!

Here is the bigger point: As Christians we need to guard our tongues (Book of James) and do all that we can to encourage people, not join the tide of popular culture that sets "stars" up only to tear them down and belittle them.

Struggles and impatience

So I obviously can't share too much because I want to honor Harley's privacy. In the midst of a busy ministry schedule and working on reading all the books and writing papers for Doctoral work, I found out that Harley went to a place where he did not quite have permission to do so. (Don't worry he wasn't in major trouble!) When I asked him why he went where he went he said, "I just wanted to think about you." Harley left school and went to where he and I spent time on our first pre-placement visit. Now, I don't know if he is just a incredible manipulator or not, but he sure does know how to pull at your heart strings! What I am discovering is that we are BOTH very impatient for Harley to be in his permanent "forever family" home!

I have to figure out how to change his name from Harley to Aaron Christian Griffith. This is the name he chose and it means "Mountain of Strength and Follower of Christ (or Little Christs)". I think he chose some great names.

So, since I am going to be his dad, it is at the point where I am going to check in with him every day via SKYPE - a great tool that closes the distance between folks! So, int the meantime, I am praying for patience and wisdom in the midst of a busy schedule.

Until "the artist formerly known as Harley" - Aaron Christian Griffith comes home, We will keep you posted!

Weekend with Harley

I thought I would give an update on my visit with Harley kind of in a chronological order with just a few of the "highlights":

Thursday - I arrived in Wichita and drove about an hour to Harley's location. I went to TFI, which is where Harley's case workers are located and finally got to put some names with faces. The ladies there obviously have Harley's best interests in mind. After meeting and chatting, I met Harley's foster mom who is truly an incredible woman for what she does for Foster kids. I settled into a cabin where Kim's friend Shannon graciously let us stay for the weekend. (Thank you very much Shannon!) As a Youth and Family Pastor, of course, money is tight so this was a GREAT gift. If you are going to Kansas, I recommend the cabins highly! They were clean and awesome. I love the smell of cedar! After settling in, we decided to surprise Harley at his school as it was near the end of the day. For the first time, it hit Harley as to how tall I am! From that point, I took Harley into town (20 miles away, LOL) and we had dinner at Pizza Hut. Did I mention the boy LOVES pasta! We made a quick run to Wal-Mart for a few things and then settled into the cabin for the night.

Friday - (Kansas kids in this area have a longer school day Mon. - Fri., but are out on Friday) Friday morning, we had breakfast at Hunt Brothers Pizza (which is a local hang out spot, pizza joint and gas station)! Ah, small town Kansas! We then went into town and went to the public library where I showed Harley some things about Georgia, Stone Mountain, The Orchard, etc. He played a few educational games on the computer, we rented a couple of videos to watch and as a result Harley is now a HUGE "Lord of the Rings" fan! Good thing I have the movies at home AND I have all the Chronicles of Narnia series for him to read! We walked around town for a bit had lunch at a really cool coffee shop where I "made him" eat some salad and fruit with his sandwich but we also played checkers and hung out for a while. We picked him up a "play army machine gun" at Wal-Mart, played in the snow a little and then started watching "Lord of The Rings - Fellowship of The Ring", paused the movie, got some pizza from Hunt Brothers and then finished watching the end of the movie. Harley then got ready for bed, but could not sleep so we had some awesome conversations about his past and his future.

Saturday - We had breakfast at Harley's Foster Mother's house and then ran back into town where we ran some errands with Kim, Harley, myself and the two other foster boys where I got a "Grand Tour" of the town and some history lessons. After some errands and the tour, we went bowling at the bowling alley in Ark City (Short for Arkansas City) and we "interrupted" a bowling tournament. This is the kind of town where people still play the National Anthem even before their event - I LOVE it! After bowling, we went to a Mexican Restaurant. I should mention that we also picked up the next two movies in The Lord of The Rings Trilogy and watched the second one.

Sunday - We all went to Church at Kim's Church and it was definitely different from The Orchard! Harley will not only have culture shock moving from Kansas to Georgia, but will also have Church shock. After Church, we went back to Kim's where we had lunch. Next, I helped Harley with some of his homework and then we had a snowball fight. (Outside, of course!) Then we settled down for The Super Bowl, where, Harley just had to sit next to me as he did the whole weekend. It could be safe to say that Harley and I "bonded"! Harley, usually not able to sleep, actually fell asleep on the floor during the Super Bowl. He is a difficult one to wake up, so I already see one of my challenges. He wanted to stay at the cabin with me again, but we felt like he needed to be in his own bed and be back in a routine before school Monday.

Monday - Obviously, Harley is back in school so I decided to "sneak in" (with the schools permission) and "spy" on Harley to see how he is in school. For the most part, he actually does really well. He, like most kids his age, will sometimes push the limits for boundaries. He had one minor negative interaction with one of the "Teachers Aides" and he did not see me sitting in the back of the classroom. (I was pretty stealthy!) The good new is that Harley is pretty teachable and this gave me an opportunity to "teach him" - which he received very well! I then had lunch with him, read "The Giving Tree" with me - a book he chose and then I had to say "So long". I told him I was not saying, "Good-Bye" as that sounded to permanent. So, he hugged me "So long" and promised that he would try to stay focused for the rest of the afternoon. I am about to call him as he will be getting out of school in just a bit.

Harley actually initiated several hugs throughout the weekend and of course, being the "Youth Pastor" who has always had his guard up, I was not sure what to do at first. It was one of those quick, "What do I do Lord?" and since too long of a delay may have sent the wrong message, I just went with the flow. Several times during the weekend Harley said, "I love you." Of course, that will just melt your heart.

So, our hopeful game plan is to now have Harley do his pre-placement visit with me in Georgia around March 17 - 20. Prayers are appreciated!

Letter To Harley

January 24, 2011

Harley;

I have been trying to “put myself in your shoes” and as I am doing this, I am beginning to think just how scary and difficult a move to Georgia may be for you. Let me give you an idea of how I know exactly what you are feeling: For most people, they do not travel as much as I have. When I was just 18, a few years older than what you are now, I went into the Army and was stationed overseas in Germany. Not only was it a far away place from home, but it was an entirely different country where I only spoke a little of the language but understood more. Regardless, the move was very difficult. What made it worse is that I went to Germany right before Christmas! That was the loneliest Christmas I had ever had – or so I thought. After a while, I went on with life and wound up really LOVING Germany!

Just a few years ago, 2006, I went back overseas to do some consulting with the Department of Defense and I left the first of November. This meant that even as an adult, I was spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas away from family and friends. Again, I went over to England and then Belgium not knowing a soul. Even the “co-workers” who I was supposed to be supervising kind of gave me the “cold shoulder”. It was a very lonely time!

What will be different for you is that you will be coming to a place where you will be GREATLY loved and cared for and you will be with a ton of people who WANT to get to know you and hang out with you! Besides myself, my youth group that I work with are absolutely fantastic! THEY CAN”T WAIT TO MEET YOU! I have a bunch of adult friends too who also want to meet you! Both adults and students are praying for you (and me) and excited to meet you! You are going to be like a Rock Star (but I suppose coming from Kansas, you will be more like a Country Music Star, LOL!)

From our video chats, here is what I can already tell about you: you are very outgoing and very charismatic. (Charismatic means that people are drawn to you and want to be around you.) With that in mind, trust me; don’t work too hard to make friends! Making friends for you will be easy! Let people know you for who you are, not for your past! Here is a secret I learned along time ago when I was just a little older than you: don’t worry about whether some people like you or not. If someone likes you, then good, but if someone does not like you, so what? Your life is more important than worrying about that! You will get real joy out of loving people back who love you and being compassionate toward people who may not like you. If someone doesn’t like you just because of who you are, they are not worth having as a friend. On the other hand, if someone does not care for you because you did something to hurt them, then it is your responsibility to make it right. If you apologize and really try to make it right but they do not forgive you, you have done your part – it is okay to move on and not worry about the other person!

Here is another thing I think I picked up about you: you are very resilient! This means that life can throw some really hard things at you, but because you have such a good heart, you will bounce back from those things! I hope you know that sometimes the most difficult things in life happen to people who will have the most significant impact as a leader! Since your life has had many challenges that you are beginning to successfully overcome, you will be an incredible leader!

This is another thing about leadership: being an excellent leader means that sometimes, you will feel like you are alone because you are making hard decisions! (I promise you that you will NEVER be alone as long as God keeps me here on this earth and even then, God will always be with you and he will surround you with people who will love you if you let them!) This is why education is so important to me. It is not about getting good grades; it is about learning to be a leader! Honestly, nobody wants to follow dumb! Strong leaders are intelligent and they find ways to overcome all difficulties – including education, physical limitations, and past struggles! You have such incredible leadership potential and to hear you pray, I can hear that potential in you! I so cannot wait to be your dad because I KNOW God is stirring within you great leadership!

An Educational Epiphany

I got to thinking the other day about how most kids really struggle with school. Take a kid who has had a very difficult past and has been held back a grade or two because of that past and well, you will more than likely have a kid that will be resistant to "traditional education". You see, traditional education was designed to use a grading system that was supposed to encourage kids. Today however, the grades have become more about "measuring a kid". You can easily see then how kids who have constantly been trying to measure up and get approval can easily become discouraged by a system that continues to "measure them. It is not that the system is "evil" - it is just a system that cannot, for the most part, take into consideration each individual child's needs. It is a "machine" because it has to "mass-produce" education. The machine therefore perpetuates whether or not the child measures up. For children with a difficult past, this is yet one more "disappointment".

Now, I know a "little something" about the educational system. My undergraduate degree is in Special Education, I substitute teach and I deal with kids every day who are in the system. Regardless, I came about my epiphany when thinking about Harley. What do I tell a boy who has suffered outside the system and yet must fit "into" the system? Are you ready for the revelation? This is what I am going to tell Harley:

"Harley, education is not about "getting grades" in order to get a good GPA, in order to get into the right school, in order to get a good job, in order to make a lot of money. (This is what everyone is told and it is not true!) Getting a good education is about leadership and I can boil it all down in one sentence: Nobody wants to follow dumb! Everybody leads somebody. You are an example to someone. Education is about leadership - this is why you should value education. Don't worry about the grades - worry about developing the kind of leader you want to become!"

So, that is it for today. "Nobody wants to follow dumb!"

The Little Dude

So, I gotta be careful about names and such, but Harley is the young man that may very well become my son. We have had two video chats but only after LOTS of other conversations with all the RIGHT people! This time (unlike the time with the twins), I made sure that all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed! I WILL NOT disappoint another child again!

So I can't give you specifics for obvious reasons, but Harley just turned 11 and he is an AWESOME young man! No, seriously... you need to hear this kid PRAY! (I wouldn't doubt it for one minute if he has a call on his life! The people who typically face the greatest challenges in life often become the greatest leaders!)

Needless to say, any kid coming out of DFACS kind of care is going to have some hurts! Harley has had many, but to see the resiliency in this young man as I talk to him via SKYPE is amazing. He interacts, he laughs, he expresses himself, etc. Now, don't get me wrong... I KNOW there are going to be challenges that I can only pray for God's grace on!

I keep telling one of my co-workers, Alissa, that I am becoming such a woman! (I don't mean this in a derogatory way, simply that I am told that as men age, their estrogen level increases and as women age, their testosterone level increases. This is why you have men who get older start crying more and women who get older start having the "granny beards"!) So I tell Alissa I am becoming such a woman and she keeps telling me that I am "pregnant" - a particularly disturbing image that any of you reading this blog and know what I look like will find it difficult to erase that visual from your brain! Don't go there!

Here is why I am "becoming such a woman"! During the course of our conversation, I realize I need to set Harley's mind at ease a little and talk about the "White Elephant" in the room. Now, Foster Parents aren't typically told everything about a child's past when he or she comes into care for various reasons. However, if you are a potential adoptive parent, they will eventually tell you EVERYTHING. (They try to ease you into it so you don't have visions of some child's head spinning around, spitting out pea soup and talking in mystery languages!) So, by this point, I have been more than eased into it but I do want to go and perform an exorcism on Harley's past "parents" and caregivers!

So, I start with this, "Hey Buddy, you know that I know everything there is to know about your past - or at least as much as I can know from all the paper work. Let me say a couple of things about that. First of all, as an adult I am sorry that any of this ever happened to you and, secondly, it should have NEVER happened to you and finally, none of that crap was your fault..." (Now, the picture on SKYPE is not all that great AND I am a little dense sometime, so bear with me because I still haven't noticed... so, I continue) "...and I promise you this..." (I'm already getting teary-eyed re-thinking about it) "...and I promise you this: I will do everything and anything I can do to keep anything like this from ever happening to you again!" What I now noticed is light "shimmering" down the poor kids face. He was crying. By the time I finish, he is wiping his eyes! CRAP (Carbon Rich Anabolic Product - for those readers who might be offended by the term), NOW my eyes are watering up! The estrogen level is off the charts!!

So, we both regain composure and I re-check my "man-card" by easing away from the conversation and cracking a couple of jokes. We talk about my travel plans and the time frame for visits and transition and then I ask him if he wants to pray. (For those of you who may be clandestine ACLU folks, the boy specifically requested to be in a home that goes to Church so deal with it!) A word about this: Before even talking to Harley, I ask his Foster mom to ask him a couple of questions BEFORE he even knows about me or what I do or what have you. (Remember, I'm dotting i's and crossing t's and I don't want to get some other kids hopes up!) I ask about his favorite pet, what sports or activities he likes to do and what he is looking for in a mom and dad. (I don't want the jig to be up that I'm a single dude, so I'm playing it real cool... "Mom AND Dad...") He gave some cool answers, some that you would expect... he likes dogs,... he likes baseball,... he wants to stay in touch with his Foster mom (that is cool, shows he doesn't have Reactive Attachment Disorder) and, get this... he has reiterated forcefully and on more than a couple of occasions that he wants to be in a family that goes to Church! Now SERIOUSLY, how can that not be a match?

I actually had to laugh and say, "Dude, you may get more church than you want!" Here is the kicker... he honestly had NO IDEA what I do for a living! I watched as his Foster mom (who by the way has done an AWESOME job, not just with Harley, but with 4 other boys as well - as a single mom whose kids are grown - none of you have an excuse!), I watched his Foster mom explain to Harley what I do and you would not believe how his face LIT UP! So yea, we prayed together. Now, funny enough, I asked him, "Do you want to pray?" His answer: "Yeah" "Do you want me to pray first or you to pray first?" His answer (I thought) was that he would pray first. We bow our heads (and remember we are on a video chat), and there is this long silence. If I'm lying I'm dying: after a few moments of awkward silence, it was just like we were in the same room, we both look up at the same time and say, "I thought you were praying first?" We re-established that I would pray first, which I did and then I said, "In Jesus name..." and waited for Harley to pray.

I've got a confession to make: I've been working with young people long enough to kind of expect "an 11-year old prayer" along the lines of, "thank you for Aunt Sally, bless my little puppy with the runny nose" (I exaggerate; don't get mad Childrens Pastors) but instead, what I get is this incredibly well-spoken prayer that was not rehearsed, or written down, or read or a repeat of what any other adult had said. I was BLOWN AWAY!!! I'm thinking to myself, "If this little dude doesn't have a call on his life, I am going to be very surprised!"

So, after an hour and ten minutes on SKYPE, we finally, and begrudgingly end the call, but Harley's Foster mom posted this to me via face book after I told her just a little bit about our conversation:

"That I'm sure made him feel more secure w/u but meeting u n person is what he really looking forward too. He is calm just pick his cars up & playing his DS.. letting him stay up later 2nite!! til 10:30 anyways. =/ "

Wow! What a RIDE! So, pray for me, pray for Harley and pray that I don't get overcome by estrogen (or the ACLU). I gotta go now as I'm going to print Harley's picture off so I can put in my wallet to remind me to pray for him. I'm thinking I'm going to mail him my picture because if he prays for me the way he did over the video, I'm GOLDEN!

Adoption and God

Many of my friends and family might wonder where the thought of ever adopting came from. Well, I will try to make a long story short. Obviously, I care about families and I care about kids... if I didn't, well, let's just say I am REALLY in the wrong line of work. I have always desired to have a family, loving wife (as much as she could be putting up with me - and a life-long youth pastor to boot!), 2.5 kids, dog, etc. Unfortunately, the ideal has never worked out... yet. (I am stubborn and a die-hard. I'm not throwing in the towel completely! Take note any sane, single, Christan ladies!)

Frankly, there is a lot to be said, both good and bad, about being a life-long Youth Pastor. For one, you better be at least okay with the idea of ALWAYS (and I mean always) playing second fiddle at best, if you even get handed a fiddle! You'll never make the same as the Senior Pastor, you'll always put in just as many (if not more in some places) hours, you always have a crazy schedule usually lining up with the lives of other families and when you can get with students (hello, nights and weekends), and needless to say, this doesn't all sit too well with potential brides! Let's face it, it takes a special woman to be a Pastor's wife, let alone a life-long Youth Pastor's wife! I'm just sayin...

Regardless, about 3 1/2 years ago, I was overseas hopping around working with military dependents through MCYM (Military Community Youth Ministries) and collaborating as a DoD contractor (for lack of a better term of understanding). I was in the BOQ in Mons, Belgium - home of SHAPE Headquarters (Supreme Headquarters, Allied Powers Europe for the less military inclined folks) and I was having my quiet time. Now, if you are like me, you will easily discover that you can read the Bible multiple times over and, even keeping up with good exegetical work, God can talk to you with many different messages from the same scripture. (How amazing is that?)

I was making my way through a tiny book called, "James" when I came across James 1:27, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress AND to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." That verse smacked me between the eyes. I honestly thought to myself, "So, what in the world can I do about that? I am a single guy (an an ultra-realist) and I don't think there is anything I could do about it." That was my thought about the orphans. As far as the widows, well, let's just say I wasn't looking for a cougar! Of course, there is caring for my mom, who is an widow, but that is a different story. My final thought was, "God, it is pretty inconvenient for you to end this chapter with this verse," because I could not shake it and frankly, I was a little miffed that he would put this so indelibly on my brain! God was not fighting fair... once again! He had touched my hip joint and I was walking with a limp. (I already do that physically, now it was spiritual - rats!)

So, I did what any other god-fearing, responsible and compassionate Christian (and Pastor to boot) would do - I sluffed it off! Or so I thought! When I say indelibly on my brain, that is one of many understatements in my life! I literally could not sleep! I was angry and I couldn't even tell why! I kept arguing, "God, I'm a single guy. I waiting for the right woman! I don't even know where I'm going to be next, etc., etc. (Cue visions of Moses, "But God, you know about my speech impediment, right? You want someone else!)

I talked to godly people I trusted thinking they would be logical and help get me off the hook. They didn't do it. Either they were just trying to be nice or they didn't want to talk me out of whatever God was saying. Yes, there were those that said, "You do realize some of the things you might have to deal with adopting a child?" (Like I hadn't considered things like, "Your life will dramatically change," "You realize you are going to have to quit doing all the things you do - ministry or not," "Those kids come with a lot of problems" - you know things that you sit there and think, "Do I really look that dumb to these folks that I haven't considered these things yet? These are the things that are scaring me!" I prayed about it (again, and again, and again).

So the compromises started. "Okay God, I'll just go check out some of the foster care/adoption classes. After all, it will at least help me appreciate what these kids and kids in our culture go through and if anything, it can give me some additional insight and pointers on working with kids with ADHD, hurt kids, etc. Maybe the caseworkers will say, 'Are you kidding? You're a single guy with a busy life! You shouldn't do this adoption thing.'" (None of the caseworkers said this by the way. (No fair God, it's like the cards are stacked.)

I go through the training, have a home study done and before I know it, I'm a candidate for adoption. Then, the Church where I am at is taking some different directions and it's the beginning of the economic downturn. At the same time, I get the opportunity to work with another ministry down in Florida. Guess what? Georgia home studies are not good in Florida since I will be living in Florida, not Georgia! I'M OFF THE HOOK!!!!

I go to the new ministry that happens to partner with 4KidsofSouthFlorida and the church introduces me to the Executive Director. Being a new "Executive Director" myself, we hit it off really well. Guess what he asks me? "Have you ever considered adoption?" YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?!?!

I go through the training (again - you have to do it for each State), I do all the paperwork (again), I have a new home study done (again) and I pass everything. By this point, between the background checks of new ministries and for adoption in two States, I'm thinking the FBI or Homeland Security is having red flags go up all over the place and I am now on the Terrorist Watch List!

The ministry I am at starts to do some things that I can't sign off on. Guess what? I resign determined to get out of ministry, get re-certified and teach! At least there, I expect secular people to act the way they do! Needless to say, I am hurt and adoption is THE LAST thing I am thinking about. I'M OFF THE HOOK, again... painfully, but off the hook.

I visit The Orchard as a kind of favor to a buddy of mine who has been in Youth Ministry about the same amount of time I have been. He tells me, "Look, Rich, do me a favor and just go. This will be the first time they are hiring a full-time youth pastor and they need to know what to compare." I know him and I trust him so I go with no intention of looking for a ministry job. This was just to help the Orchard compare apples and oranges (after all, most Youth Pastors have to be a little fruity).

I actually like the Church. I am skeptical, but I like it. Truth be known, the skepticism is going away slowly but surely but being cynical is a little harder to kill. So, I get an offer to work at The O and I think, "Okay, one last chance! It is a smaller Church, the salary is A LOT smaller, but it will give me a chance to work on my Doctoral degree." (I had already signed up for some courses to get re-certified, so I dropped that and got accepted to Fuller... again!) I'm leaving Florida, coming back to Georgia - where again, a Florida home study is no good for Georgia! (Did I mention I thought I was off the hook.)

I work at the Orchard and I go to Catalyst with the staff. OF COURSE, they have the Compassion folks there and all the while the indelible mark is there, but surely God has let me off the hook. I mean, come on... look at the circumstances! God starts nagging (again)! "Okay God, let's make a deal, how about I sponsor a Compassion child? I've always wanted to do that too!" The check book comes out and I become a sponsor for Ludy Eugenio Vega Gonzales in Nicaragua... a cool little 4 year-old with a passion for "Cars" - the cartoon! My conscience is salved, right? Nope! God says, "That's great but that's not what I was asking you to do!" "Great," I think, "couldn't you have made that clear BEFORE I wrote the check." I still don't do anything though because I thinking at this point, this is God's battle. I kid you not, THE NEXT DAY I get a call from The Giving Tree, the organization I was originally working with before I left for Florida. "Hey Rich, we were just wondering what's going on with you!" We chat. They're still interested and they tell me, "By the way, all your paper work is still good with us. We just need to come out to your new place and revise your home study." You would think I'd throw up the white flag by now, right? Noooooo, I am a stubborn German!

We redo the home study, a couple of months go by and I am stupid, I MEAN STUPID ENOUGH to throw out another challenge to God! "Okay God, if you really want this to happen, you're going to have to provide a potential match pretty soon because I am not going to go through a long drawn out process!" Guess what happens? You'll never guess! I get a call THE NEXT DAY with a potential match. Short story, it doesn't work out because I am realizing that the twins REALLY need a two-parent home, but God said, "Okay, you want to play that way, here you go..." (Now I have to clean up the emotional mess of telling two boys, 'Sorry, but I don't think I am the best parent for you.')

I surrender God! I'm done. Whatever you want. I'm just going to shut up, and along came Harley...