Adoption and God

Many of my friends and family might wonder where the thought of ever adopting came from. Well, I will try to make a long story short. Obviously, I care about families and I care about kids... if I didn't, well, let's just say I am REALLY in the wrong line of work. I have always desired to have a family, loving wife (as much as she could be putting up with me - and a life-long youth pastor to boot!), 2.5 kids, dog, etc. Unfortunately, the ideal has never worked out... yet. (I am stubborn and a die-hard. I'm not throwing in the towel completely! Take note any sane, single, Christan ladies!)

Frankly, there is a lot to be said, both good and bad, about being a life-long Youth Pastor. For one, you better be at least okay with the idea of ALWAYS (and I mean always) playing second fiddle at best, if you even get handed a fiddle! You'll never make the same as the Senior Pastor, you'll always put in just as many (if not more in some places) hours, you always have a crazy schedule usually lining up with the lives of other families and when you can get with students (hello, nights and weekends), and needless to say, this doesn't all sit too well with potential brides! Let's face it, it takes a special woman to be a Pastor's wife, let alone a life-long Youth Pastor's wife! I'm just sayin...

Regardless, about 3 1/2 years ago, I was overseas hopping around working with military dependents through MCYM (Military Community Youth Ministries) and collaborating as a DoD contractor (for lack of a better term of understanding). I was in the BOQ in Mons, Belgium - home of SHAPE Headquarters (Supreme Headquarters, Allied Powers Europe for the less military inclined folks) and I was having my quiet time. Now, if you are like me, you will easily discover that you can read the Bible multiple times over and, even keeping up with good exegetical work, God can talk to you with many different messages from the same scripture. (How amazing is that?)

I was making my way through a tiny book called, "James" when I came across James 1:27, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress AND to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." That verse smacked me between the eyes. I honestly thought to myself, "So, what in the world can I do about that? I am a single guy (an an ultra-realist) and I don't think there is anything I could do about it." That was my thought about the orphans. As far as the widows, well, let's just say I wasn't looking for a cougar! Of course, there is caring for my mom, who is an widow, but that is a different story. My final thought was, "God, it is pretty inconvenient for you to end this chapter with this verse," because I could not shake it and frankly, I was a little miffed that he would put this so indelibly on my brain! God was not fighting fair... once again! He had touched my hip joint and I was walking with a limp. (I already do that physically, now it was spiritual - rats!)

So, I did what any other god-fearing, responsible and compassionate Christian (and Pastor to boot) would do - I sluffed it off! Or so I thought! When I say indelibly on my brain, that is one of many understatements in my life! I literally could not sleep! I was angry and I couldn't even tell why! I kept arguing, "God, I'm a single guy. I waiting for the right woman! I don't even know where I'm going to be next, etc., etc. (Cue visions of Moses, "But God, you know about my speech impediment, right? You want someone else!)

I talked to godly people I trusted thinking they would be logical and help get me off the hook. They didn't do it. Either they were just trying to be nice or they didn't want to talk me out of whatever God was saying. Yes, there were those that said, "You do realize some of the things you might have to deal with adopting a child?" (Like I hadn't considered things like, "Your life will dramatically change," "You realize you are going to have to quit doing all the things you do - ministry or not," "Those kids come with a lot of problems" - you know things that you sit there and think, "Do I really look that dumb to these folks that I haven't considered these things yet? These are the things that are scaring me!" I prayed about it (again, and again, and again).

So the compromises started. "Okay God, I'll just go check out some of the foster care/adoption classes. After all, it will at least help me appreciate what these kids and kids in our culture go through and if anything, it can give me some additional insight and pointers on working with kids with ADHD, hurt kids, etc. Maybe the caseworkers will say, 'Are you kidding? You're a single guy with a busy life! You shouldn't do this adoption thing.'" (None of the caseworkers said this by the way. (No fair God, it's like the cards are stacked.)

I go through the training, have a home study done and before I know it, I'm a candidate for adoption. Then, the Church where I am at is taking some different directions and it's the beginning of the economic downturn. At the same time, I get the opportunity to work with another ministry down in Florida. Guess what? Georgia home studies are not good in Florida since I will be living in Florida, not Georgia! I'M OFF THE HOOK!!!!

I go to the new ministry that happens to partner with 4KidsofSouthFlorida and the church introduces me to the Executive Director. Being a new "Executive Director" myself, we hit it off really well. Guess what he asks me? "Have you ever considered adoption?" YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?!?!

I go through the training (again - you have to do it for each State), I do all the paperwork (again), I have a new home study done (again) and I pass everything. By this point, between the background checks of new ministries and for adoption in two States, I'm thinking the FBI or Homeland Security is having red flags go up all over the place and I am now on the Terrorist Watch List!

The ministry I am at starts to do some things that I can't sign off on. Guess what? I resign determined to get out of ministry, get re-certified and teach! At least there, I expect secular people to act the way they do! Needless to say, I am hurt and adoption is THE LAST thing I am thinking about. I'M OFF THE HOOK, again... painfully, but off the hook.

I visit The Orchard as a kind of favor to a buddy of mine who has been in Youth Ministry about the same amount of time I have been. He tells me, "Look, Rich, do me a favor and just go. This will be the first time they are hiring a full-time youth pastor and they need to know what to compare." I know him and I trust him so I go with no intention of looking for a ministry job. This was just to help the Orchard compare apples and oranges (after all, most Youth Pastors have to be a little fruity).

I actually like the Church. I am skeptical, but I like it. Truth be known, the skepticism is going away slowly but surely but being cynical is a little harder to kill. So, I get an offer to work at The O and I think, "Okay, one last chance! It is a smaller Church, the salary is A LOT smaller, but it will give me a chance to work on my Doctoral degree." (I had already signed up for some courses to get re-certified, so I dropped that and got accepted to Fuller... again!) I'm leaving Florida, coming back to Georgia - where again, a Florida home study is no good for Georgia! (Did I mention I thought I was off the hook.)

I work at the Orchard and I go to Catalyst with the staff. OF COURSE, they have the Compassion folks there and all the while the indelible mark is there, but surely God has let me off the hook. I mean, come on... look at the circumstances! God starts nagging (again)! "Okay God, let's make a deal, how about I sponsor a Compassion child? I've always wanted to do that too!" The check book comes out and I become a sponsor for Ludy Eugenio Vega Gonzales in Nicaragua... a cool little 4 year-old with a passion for "Cars" - the cartoon! My conscience is salved, right? Nope! God says, "That's great but that's not what I was asking you to do!" "Great," I think, "couldn't you have made that clear BEFORE I wrote the check." I still don't do anything though because I thinking at this point, this is God's battle. I kid you not, THE NEXT DAY I get a call from The Giving Tree, the organization I was originally working with before I left for Florida. "Hey Rich, we were just wondering what's going on with you!" We chat. They're still interested and they tell me, "By the way, all your paper work is still good with us. We just need to come out to your new place and revise your home study." You would think I'd throw up the white flag by now, right? Noooooo, I am a stubborn German!

We redo the home study, a couple of months go by and I am stupid, I MEAN STUPID ENOUGH to throw out another challenge to God! "Okay God, if you really want this to happen, you're going to have to provide a potential match pretty soon because I am not going to go through a long drawn out process!" Guess what happens? You'll never guess! I get a call THE NEXT DAY with a potential match. Short story, it doesn't work out because I am realizing that the twins REALLY need a two-parent home, but God said, "Okay, you want to play that way, here you go..." (Now I have to clean up the emotional mess of telling two boys, 'Sorry, but I don't think I am the best parent for you.')

I surrender God! I'm done. Whatever you want. I'm just going to shut up, and along came Harley...