I've Been Moonlighting

I have a confession to make: I've been moonlighting - or at least it feels that way! What have I been moonlighting as? Well, as hard as it may seem to believe, an Anti-Terrorist Negotiator! What is the most difficult is that I am not only the Negotiator, but I am the Hostage as well! This is what happens when you have an 11-year old boy in the house. Just like a hostage situation happens, a crisis occurs - say like when you have told the child not to do something for the 100th time because it is not safe - but the child continues to do so. The Terrorist has caused a potential crisis that demands the skill of a trained Negotiator. The Negotiators job is to keep the lines of communication open, meet reasonable demands and, most importantly, ultimately secure the release of the hostages. If you have any part of dealing with children, you know just how vital the negotiation stages can be.

First and foremost, you have to build trust! Seriously? How easy is it going to be to build trust with a Terrorist? Regardless, it has to be done. The best way to build trust is to see beyond the infraction and see the heart of the child - assuming he or she has a heart. (Just kidding - every kid has a heart but some are harder to get to than others.) This brings me to the second skill set of a Negotiator - patience. You can't just mete out justice in a hurry. If you do this, you will lose the position of Negotiator and retain primary position of Hostage for the consequences you give out will only serve to imprison you. You have to suffer the outcomes of ill-conceived consequences. They may punish you more than your child. As a Negotiator, you are always trying to stay several steps ahead of your child. "How will he respond if I...," "What if I try this consequence and it doesn't work," or "Will either one of us require major Psychiatric help if I..."? All these questions go through your mind at the same time! It can be very overwhelming, but as a Negotiator, you cannot allow this to happen; you need clarity of mind! So, in your spare time (that's a laugh), you break out the various manuals on chess to hone your cognitive skills and master the concepts of thinking several complicated moves in advance!

As Negotiator, you have to keep a cool head because if you don't, you may lose the life of the Hostage. (If you didn't catch it, you are the Hostage!) It is like one of those movies though where the Negotiator is smooth and in control at all times. Of all the people in the room, Tactical Unit, Bank or child's room, the Negotiator is the only one who never breaks a sweat. You still have to keep the Terrorist on his toes though by having a little sporadic twitch in your eye. This way, he cannot tell if you are about to snap or not. This keeps him thinking about just how far he really wants his demands to go. Will the risk be worth it in his mind?

Let's say you successfully negotiated a consequence that fits the crime. Let's say the crime was doing some dangerous deeds with some peers - like playing with fire and you catch the little Terrorists in the act. Natural consequences: 3 days of no hanging out with friends, an undetermined period of time of not hanging out with THOSE friends and two nights to bed early. You are feeling pretty good about your negotiating savvy! The Terrorist (I mean child of course) understands the consequences and is compliant - or so you think. You believe that you have just won a major battle on the fight to end Terrorism. If you think so, you are living in "La-La Land" and have no idea of what is coming next. So the "early to bed" time comes when the Terrorist has made an attempted escape from Gitmo cunningly coming out in order to "help you walk the dog" - something he has had little interest in before and somehow has conceived that a dog leash can be operated by two. Upon reminding the Terrorist of the crimes for which he was convicted and the sentence that was carried out, the pleas for mercy begin. You stick by your guns and threaten that the sentence will not be commuted and if compliance does not occur within the next 3 - 5 seconds, the sentence will be expanded upon.

You would not expect Terrorists to grumble but they do - only it is really not grumbling; it is more like rumblings of struggles to come in the future for while you think you have won yet another battle in the war on terrorism, a Terrorist never forgets! A Terrorist has long-range plans and strategies and all we can do is wait for the next bomb to go off.

Overall, I am not sure how good of a Negotiator I make. There are two things that are certain; 1 - I find the role as Hostage as disturbing as it sounds and, 2 - you truly cannot negotiate with terrorists. So, what's a chap to do? That may be an answer for another time. For now though, I know the only thing I can do is put on a flak jacket (a thick skin) and stay in the battle because the US policy is correct - "We don't negotiate with Terrorists!"