I am not sure what it is about the beginning blooming of adolescence that causes a child to break out of adorable childlike play to adolescent fantasy all parents come to know as lying, but lying seems to be an inevitable part of becoming a teen. It seems around the age of 12, children begin to lie to such an art form that Micaealngelo would think his awe-inspiring Sistine Chapel paintings to be nothing more then refrigerator art. Maybe lying is the transition from play fantasy to developing higher thinking skills for the thinking skills needed for some of the yarn early adolescents spin is quite exceptional. There is lots of quick and visible development that occurs from the years of 11 to 15. Here is another way I describe the development of Middle School students socially that can be seen in the way of school dances, many of which I have chaperoned.
In 6th grade, these children still tend to be in what I call "cartoon land" for they still enjoy shows like "Sponge Bob, Square Pants", but heaven forbid anyone finds this out. For a 6th grader, a dance should truly be called a "chase". Why? For the simple reason that this is what the 6th grade boys tend to do; they chase each other around showing off their athletic prowess or lack thereof. These boys will chase each other and occasionally chase a girl. This, I believe, is actually preparing the boy for more of an allegorical chase of the fairer sex when they are both older. For the chaperone of a 6th grade dance, the thing to most guard against is children colliding into each other and constantly saying, "Slow down!"
In 7th grade, a dance should be called a "stand". It is at this point that most middle school students seem to be the most awkward. For the most part, girls have become a bit more mature than the boys and since the girls are not interested in the physical chase anymore. The girls will huddle up in their packs as will the boys. The conversation in the packs however is quite different. For girls, their pack will be conversing about which boy should go out with whom and which boy is the cutest. There will also be conversations about starting to wear make up and such. For the boys however, they are still talking about sports and such clueless that the female packs around them are already planning out which wedding dress they would buy for their wedding. For the 7th grade dance, the most important job of the chaperone is to make sure the DJ does not put on any inappropriate or disturbing behavior. This is the one year, and only one year, where chaperoning is actually quite peaceful and enjoyable.
Something both wonderful and disturbing happens in 8th grade; the "dance" now becomes a "get your hand off of her bottom" event. This is where chaperones are most appreciated by fathers of daughters. It is here where the chaperone must resurrect the words, "Slow down," but for different reasons.
While I have digressed a little off of the subject of lying, it was important to set the stage so that the reader understood the developmental difference that even a year can make in the lives of early adolescence and the parents who are about to lose their sanity for the next 10 years or so.
At the age of 12, children begin to learn the art of crafting lies. I have not fully developed a fool-proof strategy, but I am working on it. My last strategy was to fill the house with the aroma of brownies. I cannot begin to even recall what this thousandth lie was that my son told; all I recall is that I was desperate to try something before the boys nose grew to ungodly proportions. So, brownies it was. Of course, I used one of my friends to propagate my plot.
At the time, we owned a dog for about 3 months. By the way, for parents adopting an older child, NEVER get a puppy as it is difficult enough to deal with the crap coming from both dog and child. It is incredibly stressful, but in this case, I decided to use the crap I was getting from both dog and child to teach a point. After smelling up the home with the aroma of wonderful, warm and gooey brownies, I called my son down to the dining room to enjoy some father/son time over the brownies. Here is how our conversation went:
Me: I know you like brownies, so I made up a very special batch where I have learned how to make the best brownies ever. Our friend LJ (my apologies for bringing you into this plot LJ) gave me this recipe and there is a secret ingredient I thought I would try it as we both know what a wonderful cook LJ is. I would like your opinion on the brownies and let me know whether I made them right or not.
Son: They smell really good.
Me: I am glad they smell good, maybe I did them right. Let me know what you think.
(At this point, the boy picks up the brownie and smells it savoring the chocolate aroma. Just as he starts to take a bite, I say, "Wait!")
Me: "Wait!" (Startled look on boys face. My face was just as startled for he actually listened and waited!) Would you like to know the secret ingredient BEFORE you take a bite?
Son: (Going from looking startled to skeptical.) Sure, I guess..."
At this point, I produce a doubled baggie containing some of our former dog's crap. (Look on boys face now goes from startled, to skeptical to disgusted.)
Son: (Fearing the worst.) What is that?
Me: What does it look like?
Son: (Not wanting fears confirmed.) It looks like Jackson's (former dog's name) poop!
Me: You are very perceptive! Yes, it is Jackson's poop and LJ swore that it is dog poop that makes the brownie richer in texture, moisture and taste.
Boy drops brownie and pushes it away with a look of horror!
Me: (Loving the reaction!) What's wrong?
Son: You didn't really put poop in the brownies, did you? (Note that the boy had only been with me for about 5 months and he was discovering that most Youth Pastors are a bit unstable and his behaviors have pushed the instability. He realized that I am capable of most anything beyond the realm of normal behaviors.)
Me: Well, yes, of course! That is the secret ingredient LJ swears by!
Son: I'm not eating that!
Me: Aw, come on! I didn't use that much poop, just a little bit!
Son: No way, I'm not eating it!
Me: Why?
Son: It has poop in it! (He displays brilliance in the obvious!)
Me: It was only a little bit of poop! I don't understand the problem. (His look is now dumbfounded.) You see son, it does not matter if it is a whole lot of poop or just a little bit of poop; nobody wants to eat the brownie that has poop in it. This is what it is like when you lie. Whether it is a big obvious lie or a small deceptive lie, nobody wants to eat the poop! Do you understand? (At the time, it seemed the boy got the lesson, but alas, he has gone back to the canvas to craft more masterpieces in the art form of lying!)
He is making the transition from fantasy world to the world of reality but he has a hard time leaving the fantasies back in his childhood years. He is learning what is true and what is not and sometimes the fantasies are a bit hard to leave behind.
I think my next approach will be Bill Cosby's approach wherein he "takes his son to the barn" for a bit of physical encouragement. After a set number of swats to the behind, the child understands the ramifications of intervention discipline on the part of the father. On the way out, Cosby gives his child one more than agreed upon last good swat on the behind. Cosby Junior looks at Cosby Senior with a look of betrayal as Cosby Senior says, "I lied about the number of swats. How does it feel to be lied to?"
Now that is a quick way to clear up any delusional fantasies brought with the adolescent from his childhood!
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