A friend and colleague of mine, who also works in the public school, reminded me that each school system operates differently. This is true. My comments were made as a generalization and research done on the "broader" spectrum of education overall. Thanks for the insight of my friend. Taking the observations away from simply one institution and basing observations on multiple institutions (school, families, church, sports, etc.), our kids are stressed out due to busyness and an overall sense of "abandonment" by our culture as a whole. For several years I have noticed a trend that is a bit of an oxymoron - we have a culture where on the one hand, kids are incredibly spoiled and on the other hand, they are very neglected.

Another observation that I cannot reiterate enough is that our kids are very much kept busy in the name of "keeping them out of trouble". The mistake parents are making with this mentality is that kids don't need to be kept busy to stay out of trouble, they need parents who are going to be involved in their child's life! Kids that begin to get frazzled and stressed will look for ways to "blow steam" and escape. In our efforts to keep our kids busy and out of trouble, how much time are we as parents forfeiting that should be spent with our kids? Here is a good question to challenge all of us: "When was the last time you sat around the dinner table as a family together?" It used to be that being around the dinner table was more the norm rather than the exception. Now, being around the table is the exception rather than the norm. There is something emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically reassuring about sharing a meal together! In other words, this essential bonding that can happen around a meal becomes the exception rather than the norm.

Our families should be a safe and restful place to come back to. We want this as adults, why wouldn't our kids want that as well? Our homes don't need to be places of perfection, but they should offer something better than what our busy culture offers. Parents need to be place of safety, the shield - if you will - where your kids can come back to and not have to deal with stress.

Another thought, or "skill" that has helped me in dealing with conflicts, as well as to give praise, is to have "knee-to-knee" conversations. What this does is put me at an eye-to-eye conversation with the child rather than a dominating/intimidating position. (Don't get me wrong, sometimes "correction" takes a more dominant position.) The other thing it does is establishes a "bond" between myself and the child. Admittedly, if this is a difficult or conflictual situation, I have to wait until any emotion settles down, however, the knee-to-knee conversations can take away any potential "flaring tempers".

Finally, I have to note that I would NEVER claim to be make a perfect or better parent than most parents out there. We simply have to do our best and I know I will make mistakes. These thoughts are simply ones that have come to me through research/study, working at a Children's home, 25 years of youth/family ministry, mentoring and observation. I am sure the minute I have my own child(ren), I will become the imperfect family. (I do wonder what people would say to Jesus if he had commentaries on raising children, considering he had no "biological" children of his own - technically.)