If many people read this post, I know it will be an unpopular one, but the truth can often be unpopular. As a single dad of two, I have not only begun to appreciate the struggles of single parents - moms especially - I have also begun to realize the need for children to have two parents. I appreciate single moms all the more because, statistically, single moms tend to make less money then comparable men and of course, even less than a two-household income. Secondly, I have the perspective that as a man, there would be NO WAY I could pass on femininity to my daughter just as it would be impossible for a woman to pass on masculinity to a boy.
The other thing I feel like my boys miss out on is having a mom, not only so they can see a model of femininity, but because I feel like it benefits them to see how a man and a woman should treat each other. Frankly, I don't want them thinking they should treat a woman in a way comparable with "Fifty Shades of Grey". When it comes to dating, I am in a catch 22 situation. Between my work, trying to complete my Doctorate, trying to be involved in my boys' lives and other circumstances, dating is nearly impossible. EVERY day I seem to have the thought, "Where did my time go?!" Dating as a single dad is a difficult proposition, but that is another post for another time.
On another note, I think the other reason it is best for children to have two parents is for the simple reason of a "tag-team" approach. To steal from the illustration of wrestling, in the midst of the battle, it is good to have someone else to "tag" in order to step away from a heated situation. The reality is that there have been multiple times when I feel like I should have stepped away from the conflict between me and one of my boys. The other reason to tag team, while it may seem more humorous, is so that we can wear the child down rather than the other way around!
As a Pastor and as someone completing a Doctorate in "Youth, Family and Culture", I can tell you that I have seen the results that divorce has had on our young people. Unlike many Pastors, I am probably more open to the possibility of divorce. However, I also believe that divorce has become WAY TOO easy in America. People seem to get a divorce for just about every reason - most of which are shallow and narcissistic. "We just don't love each other any more." If that is the real reason, wow! What does that say to your children? What they think is, "So, does that mean you won't love me anymore?"
The fact of the matter is that research undeniably shows that children who grow up in a two-parent home are much better socially, academically and emotionally. I am about to say something that will make few people happy. In my role as a Pastor, and as someone who is a bit more "moderate", I have had to wrestle with the issue of gay couples adopting. My conclusion: from what results I have seen of a child growing up in "the system", I think it is better for a child to grow up in a loving home - whether heterosexual or homosexual - than to grow up in an institutional setting. I think Christians, and Pastors especially, have little to say in a condemning way if they are not willing to confront the issue of 500,000 children in the system every year in America.
Regardless, as a single-parent, I can say that being in a single-parent home is not the ideal situation for children for many reasons. On the flip side, I am also NOT advocating children growing up in a home where they see one spouse abuse the other. Overall, the reality is that children need to be in the healthiest environment possible.
Until next time, be the best parent you can be!
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