Is It Really "Fair"?

I love them.  I think they are a great idea, but there seems to be a very real imbalance. We are very glad to send our Women to things like, "Women of Faith" and we are even more happy to send our young ladies to "Revolve" and such tours.  I think they are awesome and I hope those tours continue to go on and our women and young ladies attend.  At these tours, the talk about some wonderful things, integrity, body image, being God's daughter... all things that are wonderful and true.  Our girls are taught about sexual purity and finding their worth in God.

The problem is, it takes two to tango... if you know what I mean.  It seems to me that there have been very few conferences of the magnitude of Revolve and Women of Faith for men and boys.  Yes, I understand that there is Promise Keepers... a wonderful movement I tend to hear less and less about.  So, we've established we have a conference for women, we have a conference for young ladies and we have a conference for men.  BUT, what about a conference of this magnitude for boys?

It seems to me that there is a little imbalance if we put the expectation for purity on girls when we do not have the same venue type for boys. This puts ALL the responsibility on the girls!  Does that sound right?  Does it sound fair?

More and more in today's society, our young men are deprived of male role models and mentors.  More and more of our young men are left to figure out life on their own.  What would it take to have a similar type of conference for boys, one that is adrenaline pumping, challenging, in your face opportunity to connect these young men with God, each other and with godly men?  I can see dirt bike stunts, comedy, extreme sports and all sort of other things that will appeal to young men.  Bringing the message of Jesus to our young men today is something that seems to have been abandoned.

Have we abandoned our young men because they do not seem interested in this kind of conference?  Do we just chalk them up to a demographic that is just too lost to reach?  Too disconnected? Too not worth our time?  Do any of these reasons justify our abandoning these young men?  Is it not worth the potential financial risk?

I am not claiming to have the answers to these questions but I am not sure I have seen a conference in the likes of "Revolve" for boys.  What gives?

Part 2 - A More Robust Theology

As mentioned, the difficulty with some "Western" theology, is that it is less robust.  Revelation 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." This is one of the few times where the scripture talks about us, in essence, inviting Christ into our life. However, this theological statement, once again, is less than robust by itself. The point of good exegesis is to take the scripture in all its context. The reality is that we are told to, "Invite Christ into our lives," but the truth is that Christ has invited us into HIS life. Which is the larger life, the life where we invite Christ into our smaller individual lives, or where we join in Christ's life? Do we ask Christ to come into our lives and bless what we are doing or do we ask for Christ to allow us into HIS life and for us to be blessed by what HE is doing? Do we receive more power by asking Christ to empower us in our life or are we empowered by being in his life? Christ is united with us, but the bigger picture is that we are united with Christ.

Interestingly enough, Philippians 2 addresses this "being united with Christ" AND does so in the context of in community, humility and not being selfish - among other things.  These are the very things that go against individualism. Once again, this is theology in the context of community, not just the individual. The concept of individuals asking Jesus into his or her life, once again, is so very individual and separate from community. Asking for Jesus to invite us into HIS life, gives us the life he was talking about in John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and life to the fullest."  "They," not "he" or "she".  They implies a community, not an individual.

Life in and of The Church is not about the individual, it is about The Body (1 Corinthians 12). Salvation can occur outside the context of community, though it is difficult. Sanctification, however, must happen in the context of community. Community guards against individualism, narcissism, selfish ambition, conceit and all the other things that have been contributing to the steady and continued decline of our culture. Community brings about a more full life of fellowship, joy, struggles, opportunities, giving, receiving, listening, hearing, and so many other things that help us experience "life to the fullest". 

We so miss these concepts of full theology and community that, I suspect, if Jesus Himself were to walk into most Western churches or youth functions, few would recognize him. Should we think this impossible, remember the Pharisees and Sadducees did not recognize God though he walked in their presence. And what exactly was it that blinded these devoted and religious "servants of God" to His very presence? It was the fact that these religious people were so into self-righteousness and so exclusive in their religious pursuits that they left many out of The Kingdom. Their community was a very exclusive one. Does this sound familiar to today's denominationalism, segregated Sunday Mornings (by age, denomination, socio-economics, race, etc.), focus on individual salvation at the cost of community?

Finally, the Body of Christ is supposed to be the reflection of community found in the complete community found in The Trinity. This is why we must reclaim an fuller understanding of Trinitarian Theology, community and what it means to die to ourselves (Matthew 10:39, John 12:24). The single seed (the individual) must die to itself in order to produce many seeds (community). This is a message so desperately needed in today's ego-centric, selfish and narcissistic culture.

A More Robust Theology

I have recently been stating that something is missing in Western theology.  Our cultural perspectives have become individualistic, shallow and narcissistic.  I believe that this stems from our theology.  What I have been trying to state in a very struggling manner can be put this way:

"Christocentric Reformed ecclesiology tends to focus on the salvation of an individual rather than on the demonstration of the kingdom of God; thus it can lead to individualism of faith and individualism in the local church."  (This contributes to individualism within the culture. My addition to this quote.)

"All three persons of the Trinity are involved in the emergence and life of the Christian community.  The Father sends the Son to redeem a people for himself, the Son dies on the cross to effect this redemption and the Spirit is given by the Father through the Son to the redeemed community, the church."

"A trinitarian ecclesiology is far more effective in understanding the nature and function of the church and its ministry: it not only allows the church to overcome underlying hierarchical thinking with regard to gender and various offices, but it also enables the mission of the church to be viewed and practiced in the broader perspective of proclamation and the demonstration of God's sovereigh authority all over the world.  A trinitarian ecclesiology, however, need not weaken the Christological center of its ecclesiology.  It does not lead to a denial of Christ's death on the cross as the only way to salvation, because the meaning of the cross is even mor fully explicated within a trinitarian framework."

(Quotes taken from The Missional Church In Context, The Possibility of Transforming GAPCK into a Missional Church, Joon Ho Lee, Craig VanGelder, Editor, 2007, William B. Eerdmans Publishing, Pp. 180-181.)

This is the perspective of a Korean Missiologist and Theologian.  This is why we need to get out of our Western theological slant that leans toward individualism.

The larger question is how much has Western theology contributed to the downfall of community and given us a slant toward the narcissism we now face?  Can the Church be a catalyst for a renewed vision for community?

The Most Dangerous "ism" Of All

The older I get and the more I know, the more I know I do not know.  Life is full of paradox.  No matter what an individual may think, say or right, there seems to always be a counter thought.  I know this will be true of what I write here.  However, paradox seems to have trumped common sense.  There are many dangerous “-isms” in our world today, but especially in Western societies.  There certainly are dangers in the isms of sexism, racism, classism, communism, socialism and even capitalism.  There is perhaps no more dangerous “ism” than that of individualism.  The shooting sprees that have seemingly become rampant in America recently are definitely a product of individualism coupled with narcissism.  Think about the mass shootings that have occurred in recent American history – most carried out by lone individuals or no more than two individuals.

            It has been said that, “Things like this have always occurred but we are simply hearing more about it now with the proliferation of media.”  To which my response is, “Really?  Do you mean to tell me that when my parents were growing up on the cusp of the age of television and beyond, they were not made aware of nationally traumatic events over the radio and newspaper?”  If an adult or child had gone into a school on a shooting rampage during my parents’ day, they certainly would have heard about it.  As to other crimes against children, the horrific crimes of sexual exploitation and child molestation, may certainly have been covered up.  They may have occurred during a time when people “did not talk of such things”, but is it logical to then say that it happened to the same degree and depth that it occurs in today’s society?  In a hyper-sexualized culture where the care of children has been systemically abandoned from the smallest family units to larger institutions, is it any wonder that the sexual exploitation of children has become seemingly more rampant?  To say, “pish-posh” to such an accusation is naïve.  One only has to look at the sexualizing of children from child models to toddler “beauty” pageants to the progression from “Disneyesque” preteen stars to young pop culture icons.

            The marketing machine has found its way into the pockets, wallets and purses of children under the age of 18 either through marketing to the children themselves or to their parents.   Children have become little more than consumers for manufacturers and status symbols for parents.  A recent, and excellent movie entitled, “The Odd Life of Timothy Green” reflects the shift in the mentality of caring for the needs of a child to using children to provide for the emotional needs of the parents.  In the movie, which I believe reflects this sentiment; two parents desire a child and make a wish list of the characteristics of the child should have making him (or her) near perfect.  While the child fulfills nearly every wish (in his own unique way), the parents begin to realize that this child, let alone any other child, will not be “perfect”.  Behind the scenes however, the child makes many personal sacrifices in order to make the adults happy.  “Timothy Green” reflects the current Western sentiment of using children for the happiness of the parents.  When this cannot happen, or the child is perceived as inconvenient, he or she is aborted.

            Individualism and narcissism present many problems to the detriment of a society.  A considerable problem is that too many people are looking for systematic failures when ascribing blame to individuals, organizations or institutions when the problem is more complex than systematic failures.  Systematic failures are much easier to see, quantify, explain, and used to place blame on someone else.  Systematic failures are also more easy to deal with.  The real culprit and problem is systemic failures.  Systemic failures are more complex and difficult to deal with for they come about from decisions that have unforeseeable results that can become complex by related decisions in the future.  What is more, these unforeseeable results are often linked to other seemingly unrelated decisions that add to the complexity and brokenness of other decisions made.  It is indeed a complex matrix that becomes very difficult to disentangle, let alone set straight.

            Individualism has become such a matrix.  We have become a nation that was once “for the people, of the people and by the people” and is now, “for the person, of the person and by the person”.  The systemic failures resulting from the individualism are only now becoming very apparent.  Rights such as freedom of speech, the freedom to bear arms and all other “rights” guaranteed to the American people have been taken to such extreme that we are reaping the systemic consequences to our own demise.  We have sacrificed any semblance of what is best for the community on the altar of individual “rights”.

            Ironically, sociopathic behaviors can be defined as such individualism – not caring for the norms of the collective for the benefit of society.  A paraphrased definition of sociopath, according to the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) is, “People with Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath, psychopath) try to get their way without being considerate of others. They show spontaneous behavior, which humiliates or harms other people. They lack any feeling for or understanding of norms, nor have they any feeling of guilt. They do not seem to be able to plan actions or to act with foresight.”  This definition fits the current individualistic and narcissistic pursuits of current day America.  Parents have abandoned parental responsibilities in order to be their child’s “friend” and to pursue their own agendas and comfort.  It is easy to be a friend; it is much more difficult to be the loving and disciplinary parent all children need.

            Different forms of media are sociopathic as well.  Producing pornographic images, movies other media is protected under freedom of speech rather then acknowledged as the harmful smut that it is.  Pornography is nothing more than a medium for individual sexual gratification and the sexualization of another human being.  Media also protrays violence, prolific foul language and the degradation of other human beings and is protected under freedom of expression.  Our children are exposed to conversations on morning radio rampant with sexual content.  Those who would make the argument, “Turn off the radio or television or do not purchase certain items,” are unaware of their shallow arguments because they are not aware of systemic issues.  Decision A leads to decision B, which leads eventually to unforeseen outcome D, E or F.  Indeed, I may be able to turn off a radio station or a television station but how do I avoid my son seeing a rolling advertisement on a truck that has a scantily clad woman selling vodka?  (This has indeed happened in a couple of different situations.  When liberties are granted in excess ad nauseam, common sense is lost – all under the banner of “freedoms”.  Do I now have to be the responsible adult by requiring my 10 year-old son to wear a blindfold whenever we are traveling down the road?)

            A few years ago, a movie that portrayed gratuitous violence hid behind the cloak of freedom of expression and claimed that their media output had no effect on societal violence.  This statement was made in one breath but then in the very next breath the producers lauded their efforts on public safety as the characters put on their seatbelts before a high speed chase and made the comment, “Safety first”.  This is akin to saying, “Your child…” to your spouse when your child misbehaves and then, “My child…” when the child does something well.  It is called passing the blame.  It is convenient for media to play up what they consider to be noble and yet hide behind rights for ignoble or malevolent actions.  If media does not have an effect on people, why even have it?  If media does not have an effect on people then logically commercials and advertising would be a waste of billions of dollars.  Media matters.

            The most dangerous thing about individualism, coupled with narcissism, is when they become “protected rights” to the detriment of the society in which the individuals live.  More then protected, all the evils listed above are labeled as rights simply for the satisfaction of individuals.  The obvious outcome is the disintegration of a society at the cost of protecting individualism.  The mantra, “Everyone has the right to be right (or have certain rights)” in non-sensical and illogical.  Not everyone can be right.  To insist that two plus two equals five simply because an individual has a right to freedom of speech only serves to validate the insanity of that individual.  I suppose it would be easy to then say that a society obsessed with individualism is bound to be a society where insanity is the norm.

A Battle WIth Consumerism

I've got to admit; I have fallen for the religion of consumerism.  American christendom is plagued with consumerism.  Our "sanctuaries" are similar to movie theaters.  Our lobbies are like shopping malls with their fountains, waterfalls and coffee shops.  An increasing number of pastors teach a gospel of prosperity: the more you give God, the more He will give back to you.  Isn't this more of an investment strategy rather than The Gospel?

I admit it; I have consumerist thoughts: How am I going to be able to put money away for retirement?  God reminds me, "The disciples never had a retirement plan."  How can I make life better or more comfortable for my son and I?  God answers, "How can you make life better for someone else?"  How am I going to make it month-to-month?  God replies, "Most of my children around the world wonder how they will make it day-to-day?"

For years, I have believed that we are to walk by faith.  I have had to have constant reminders about what it means to live by faith.  There have been times God has called me to live by faith, to go on missions where I did not know where the money and resources would come from.  I went and he was faithful to provide.  I went out on faith when it came to adoption.  "I am not sure I will make a good dad," I protested.  God answered, "Look to me and I will show you how."  Now God has called me to bring an orphan over from Latvia to host him during Christmas.  It was a decision that would have to be made quickly.  I asked friends to pray whom I know would seek God's will.  The answer they got back from God was an emphatic, "Yes, do this!"  Of course, I have no idea how I will come up with $2,500.00.  Maybe God is calling me to look at my budget and see what I can cut out in order to benefit someone else.

All I know is that over the past couple of days, I have been constantly reminded of Jesus' words, "Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."  This is day three of the Journey to bring Elvis.  I have to admit, doubt plagues me once again.  I am at 10% of the funds needed to bring Elvis to America.  A more scarier thought is, "What if God calls me to adopt this young man?"  I have NO IDEA where that money would come from as this is a much costlier proposition in the ways of finances and time.  I am constantly putting this thought out of my mind due to fear and paralysis.

This I do know; when God gets a hold of your life and heart, He will completely wreck it.  This is a good thing.  Unlike the way we wreck things, when God wrecks, He rebuilds us to be stronger.  He is wrecking my materialistic and consumeristic mind.  I know I will survive it but I am just not sure how.  This is what it means to live by faith, not by finances.

The New Oppression

While there were many causes to the Civil War, the greatest catalyst for the conflict was the issue of "the rights of the few" (aristocratic, Southern slave owners), States rights (to protect the rights of the few) and entitlement.  It was during these dark days of American history where many American's lost their lives over the issue of "rights and entitlements".  It was the rights of the few that allowed oppression to continue decades after slavery with Jim Crowe Laws, violation of civil rights and the formation of elitist racial superiority groups and agendas.

We live in a new period of oppression and yet it operates just as it did in the days of the Roman Empire, Nazi Germany and American slavery.  It is the oppression of freedom.  It is an oxymoron indeed, but it is the demanded "rights" and "entitlement" of the few that have encroached on the freedom of the many.  The spectrum of those who feel entitled range from the affluent to the impoverished, whether they be politicians or welfare system abusers.  The demand for "individual freedoms" has given way to entitlement, individualism and immorality at the cost of a healthy society and completely destroys any sense of community.

This demand for the "new freedom" has reeked havoc on our society, especially our children, in the following forms:

• Countless are the numbers of parents who question when they will get "me time".  Here is a clue: Once you decided to have a child, you will rarely get "me time" because your most important investment on time will come in the way of how you build into your child; not yourself.

• Adolescence has been extended from ages 11 - 29 (and growing) because of the insistence on young people's "right" to find themselves and put off becoming an adult.  Numerous young adults are returning to the former "empty nest" due to the inability to mature and take responsibility for their own lives.

• "No fault/Uncontested Divorce" is an inexpensive and easy option for getting out of an "unhappy" marriage.  Few people are willing to live under the concept of sacrifice, forgiveness and "love beyond emotion and feelings".  As a result, our divorce rate in America closes in on 60%!  Are 60% of divorces TRULY a result of infidelity and/or abuse?  If that is the case, that is an even more alarming indictment against the immaturity of adults in America!

• Parents, coaches and umpires have come to physical altercations in front of children all because of some "bad call" or that some game is at stake.  It is no longer about team work, sportsmanship and teaching children how to play together.

• School systems in America have resorted to "cheating" scandals in an effort to make their school system and teachers look better then they really are.  We no longer teach children "how to think" rather we teach them "what to think".

• An alarming number of children each year (nearly 500,000) are place in a dysfunctional system known as the foster care system due to the inability for parents to properly parent their children. What is worse, few of these children actually get the help they need while in the system making one to wonder if the child were better off left in one dysfunctional system over another.

• Political systems and agendas are frequently tied to religious viewpoints that claim that God is a Republican or Democrat, socialist or libertarian, male or female, and so on.  In reality, Jesus claimed that his kingdom was not of this world, so why do we keep behaving as if it were?  

• Countless adult agendas that promote sexualized and popularized children (children's pageants, "disney-esque" pop stars, alarming rate of internet child pornography) continue to rise as marketing sees children as objects to be marketed to and exploited.

• The homosexual agenda that has made the genius move to take an issue that, for countless centuries has been considered a moral issue, to a "civil rights" issue.  Riding the coattails of the homosexual agenda, organizations such as NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) are pushing to lower the age of consent and endorsing homosexual relationships are trying to legalize pedophilia - all in the name of "freedom".  Homosexuality is a moral issue, not a civil rights issue.  Abortion, homosexuality and pornography have all cowardly hidden behind "freedom of speech" clauses all at the cost of societal decency.  Can anyone, with any good conscience, not see where this downhill slippery slope leads to?  If the homosexual agenda wins in the arena of civil rights, media continues to sexualize our children, and if the age of consent is lowered, do we really think pedophilia will decrease?

So, what will it take to correct these problems?  In short, it will take adults finally growing up to be adults and having the understanding that, for the betterment of society, we need to die to our own individual and personal pursuits of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".  Adults need to regain the status of protectors of the vulnerable - especially our children and for the sake of our society, we need to put aside our own "rights, entitlements and false freedom" so that our children may have a future.

But what else are we to expect from a culture that has defined their Christianity in terms of moralistic (God wants me to be good), therapeutic (God wants me to be happy), narcissistic (my faith is private and all about me and God), deism (there is a god and I define him how I want)?  The worse question is one would have to ask, where does Americans get this spiritual direction?  It would obviously have to be from American pulpits that preach a gospel of prosperity, individual salvation, a feel-good God devoid of judgment and hell, and worship that makes me happy.  This is the "new spiritual freedom" that has little to do with authentic Christianity.

I believe Jesus said it best when he said, "Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 10:39)

In a nutshell, America needs to grow up and quite pursuing their own individual agendas.

Moralistic, Therapeutic, (Narcissistic) Deism

Christian Smith's book dealing with the spiritual state of American teens in the National Study of Youth and Religion has come to the conclusion that teens ascribe to a "Moralist, Therapeutic, Deistic" viewpoint of life. (God wants me to be good, God wants me to be happy and there is a God.)  While Smith uses the terms moralistic, therapeutic, deism - I have added the term narcissistic. (The belief that I can be a Christian and not go to church is pervasive among many who would call themselves Christians. This is a very partial truth. You can be a believer and not go to church, but your faith and growth will be very shallow and minimal for your challenges and theology will be minimal. This mentality has bled over to the adult world. The question is, "Where did Americans get this viewpoint?" The answer is obvious: the pulpits of America. In a culture that teaches prosperity gospel (If you do this, God will bless you this way - If I am good, God will bless me), it is easy to see how American people become selfish - selfishness is being promoted from pulpits.

What is more, I suspect there is another reason men in particular are not interested in going to church is because they are contending with the egos of male pastors. For many Senior or Lead Pastors, their perspective is the only perspective. (If you do not do it this way, a.k.a., my way, it is the wrong way.) There is little concept of true teamwork within the Church. I had a friend of mine send me the following blog from Perry Noble:

From his blog:

Ten Questions Every Leader Should Be Asking!

from Perry Noble | Senior Pastor, NewSpring Church

#1 – When I walk into a room are people glad to see me or freaked out/stressed that I am there?

#2 – Am I more known as an encourager or as someone who is always pointing out everything that seems to be wrong?

#3 – Does my staff know about loyalty because I model it for them or because I demand it from them?

#4 – Do I always assume the best about a staff member when I hear that they have made a mistake?  (Love ALWAYS assumes the best about a person, ALWAYS, see I Corinthians 13:4-7!)

#5 – When I disagree with someone…do I do so in a way that respects the person OR do I attempt to tear down the person AND their position in order to intimidate anyone else in the room who may agree with them?

#6 – Am I celebrating the past more than I am anticipating the future?

#7 – Am I ignoring anything that really needs to be dealt with?  If so, why?  (Anyone can identify a problem, only a leader will embrace the uncomfortable and the unknown and actually do something about it!)

#8 – Am I a person who is known for contacting others only when I want something from them?

#9 – When I go home and am with my wife and kids…am I checking out my online platform to see what others are saying about me or am I fully engaged with my family?

#10 – Do I motivate people or discourage them?

BTW…if you do not know the answers to these questions, they would make a great agenda for your next leadership meeting!

Thanks LJ, and thanks Perry Noble! The reality is that so many Lead Pastors are either self-deceived or nobody has the spine to stand up to them and let them know the truth that they fail at most of the list above. I suspect most Lead Pastors would ignore Perry's "BTW" encouragement.

Our selfishness has caused us to lack the very grace that Jesus calls upon us to display. It has lead to a lack of humility in church leadership. Young people have learned this moralistic, therapeutic (narcissistic) deism from church leadership in the way most youth and children's pastors are treated. (If your youth/children's pastor performs to my expectations, a.k.a., if they are good enough, we will reward them by letting them stay, a.k.a., if I am happy, they will be happy.) As far as narcissism is concerned, every personality led church begins to take on the personality of the Lead Pastor anywhere from 6 - 8 years. 

Truth is, maybe I am a bit embittered as a Youth Pastor in our current culture, but it is not without reason. I have been doing Youth Ministry for 27+ years and the most affirming and mentored positions I have ever been involved in were para-church organizations. There seems to be a difference in the personalities of Lead/Senior Pastors and para-church directors. (Less ego maybe?)

Regardless of my personal opinions, the reality is that the Church in America is BLEEDING people! Authentic believers are swapping churches left and right and when this happens, Lead and Senior Pastors call them spiritually immature rather than having an honest look at their own spiritual immaturity. This is not a comment about my current or previous positions; my comments are based on my experiences as well as experiences and conversations with many, many youth pastors. I am not a 20-something, newly out of school youth pastor. In 4 years (I can't believe this), I will be 50 with 27 years ministry experience. I am working on my Doctorate where we are studying Youth, Family and Culture. I don't think I am a slouch.

My plea: "Senior and Lead Pastors of America; are you pandering to moralistic, therapeutic, (narcissistic) deism? Are you a team player as much as you expect your staff to be or is it your way or the highway? If you were to grade yourself on Perry Noble's Questions, how well would you do?"

There is a lot at stake here, mainly the fate of the Church in America.